Getting Ready
9-4-09
Just last night at a restaurant in Rehoboth, I overheard a father say to his son that he expected him to be on the A honor roll this school year. The son took this news reluctantly and tried to protest that he wasn’t going to be able to live up to that high a standard since he is now entering a tough grade level with much more difficult work and teachers who were nothing short of task masters. Dad wasn’t buying any of it. He reminded the son that he had already been successful in years past and that a new challenge was just the thing that he needed to keep growing and getting smarter.
Then Dad said something that was so quintessential parent: he said, “I believe in you and I am here to help.” At that moment I knew that the boy had every chance for success. In that short conversation, the father had created a foundation for a life of learning and success for that child.
Dad’s words and his past and future support gave the child what he needed to be successful and to grow as a capable, confident learner and human being. I wanted to clone him and give out in miniature to the parents who come to my open house in September. I can see it now: all parents who sign the clipboard get to take home a miniature parent doll that has all the right words and can help turn you into a super parent. Kids need this. Dads and moms need help to walk this walk and talk this talk.
What elements were present in this man’s conversation with his son?
- high expectations
- successful past experiences
- support
When dad told his son that he expected the A honor roll he immediately set the bar high leaving the son no wiggle room. There was protest on the part of the son, but that was just his own anxiety about starting a new school year and being inadequate for the task. Who doesn’t experience first time jitters? Most adults have the same experience.
Expressing these feelings to his dad, the son was able to deal with them, to get them into the open and to work through them. The father heard his protest but reminded him that he had evidence that the son had a history of success in school. By reminding the boy of his past successes, the father gave him credible evidence that the high expectations were met in the past and certainly could be met in the future. He knew that this was possible and he set the stage for his son’s achievement and success.
Then the father offered his sincere belief in very simple terms. I believe in you. Such powerful words that can propel a child to scale lofty heights and reach difficult goals. Can there be any thing more profound that a father or mother can say to a son or daughter? I believe in you with the subtext I love you, you are valuable, you are capable and you can do it. Amazing.
He sealed the deal by telling him that he was there to support him, a parental safety valve that would allow the child room to try, to make mistakes, and to get the advice he needs to grow from them.
So as you send your children off to the next grade give them a meal that will nurture their mind. Start with an appetizer that includes high expectations, then a main course of past success stories, and end with a dessert full of love and support: a feast for a new school year!
